IN TERMS of falls from grace, not even Charlie Sheen could touch Villa’s class of 2011.
It is not anticipated that Gerard Houllier will be swinging a machete above his head, drinking from a bottle labelled ‘Tiger Blood’ and shouting ‘Free at Last’, as the American actor recently did.
But approximately 36,000 claret and blue supporters are praying that Houllier will soon be muttering something similar.
Villa are in a pickle. Wolves, still a point below them and still in the bottom three – here’s the conundrum – are not. They’re playing like a side chasing Channel 5 football next season.
One of these former Midland giants went out in January and splashed £18 million on a striker who was down on the teamsheet but was clearly making sure that his shirt and shorts stayed nicely pressed, possibly for an after-match kit party.
Darren Bent was apparently once spotted outside the six-yard box. He needed a St Bernard dog to find his way back in.
Villa spent another £6 million on a midfielder whose skull is clearly triangular. How else can you attempt to explain Jean Makoun’s woeful attempt to convert Stewart Downing’s cross?
The other club spent £500,000 on a winger from the Championship whose tricky feet might be more at home in a Michael Jackson video.
The new season of Stars In Their Eyes will feature Nathan Baker. Because that’s what he was still waking up to yesterday morning.
Both clubs turned to the loan market and, whilst Villa brought in a full-back from Tottenham, Wolves asked Harry Redknapp for a player whose back was supposedly up the creek.
And in Jamie O’Hara they’ve picked up the steal of the decade, a player who almost kept Portsmouth up and who will almost certainly achieve safety second time around with Wolves.
Villa’s problem wasn’t just the loss of key defenders Richard Dunne and James Collins, men who might be swapping the demon drink for the dreaded drop.
No, Villa’s struggles were highlighted by their skipper insisting on taking a free-kick 20 yards inside his own half.
Ashley Young clearly believes he is better than he is. And he played like a man already warming up for his photo-shoot at Old Trafford, Stamford Bridge, Anfield or White Hart Lane.
