THE BEATLES turned into Wings, Cilla Black lost Blind Date and even Richard and Judy moved to London.

Ken Dodd and Nerys Hughes are hardly seen and Jimmy Tarbuck’s gags no longer fill primetime slots but are rolled into Chirstmas crackers.

Pete Best – a nearly man if ever there was one. Tom O’Connor, nearly funny, Les Dennis – Britain’s nearly got talent.

Add to the Merseyside ‘nearly’ list: Wolverhampton Wanderers, the weekend’s nearly men.

Not even TV’s Scouse medium Derek Acorah, the man who makes every dead spirit sound like a character from the Royle Family, saw their comeback.

The truth is that Liverpool FC lost their aura of invincibility around the time Red Rum was still winning steeplechases around the corner.

Their last title came before Sky came to the table, over-hyping everything from boots to balls and giving us shirt numbers that look like bus routes, millionaire chief executives and even richer agents, tickets costing more than a week’s shopping and flexible kick-off times that don’t necessarily tally with public transport.

Anfield is no longer a fortress – Stephen Ward shot that tag down last season. But it’s still blummin’ difficult to get a result there. Well-nigh impossible if officials like Kevin Friend continue to bow to fan pressure.

The Leicestershire official booked Jamie O’Hara in the fourth minute. His crime? Being clattered into by Andy Carroll, who at the time was about ten feet up in the air.

In his notebook, Friend will have scribbled something along the lines of: “Booked number 24 for having audacity to compete for a 50-50 ball at Anfield. This should knock him down a peg.”

The sale of Fernando Torres allowed Kenny Dalglish the type of riches that Mick McCarthy can only dream about. But, of course, Mick doesn’t dream about riches. No, his bedtime fantasies still revolve around whippets chasing hares, or beer and fags, or whippets smoking cigarettes. Probably.

A packet and a pint is about the price of a full-back in McCarthy’s world.

Quite how McCarthy could spend £50 million in a transfer window is anyone’s guess.

But Matt Doherty – a glint in his mother’s eye when Liverpool last won the title – was signed for the princely sum of £75,000 from Bohemians.

And he already looks just as good a value as all the other bargain basements littering this squad: Karl Henry, Michael Kightly (although strangely absent here), Kevin Foley, Ward and Matt Jarvis.

Some of Dalglish’s signings have struggled – like Charlie Adam and Jordan Henderson – who had little impact here. Others have come off handsomely and none more so than Luis Suarez.

But at £22million, or thereabouts, you expect better than average.

At £35 million Carroll hasn’t come up to anywhere near expectations, unless perhaps you happen to be a nightclub owner.

But, Suarez aside, there was no better player on the park than Carroll. Funnily enough, though, it was more his defensive duties that stood out as he headed away a bombardment of crosses in a hectic second period.

McCarthy, as expected, tinkered with his formation. Not expected was his decision to pick Dave Edwards in an attacking midfield position, rather than a more defensive Adlene Guedioura, who must wonder quite what he has to do to win favour.