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Celebrity Big Brother returns

“You know you were saying Christmas TV was awful and couldn’t get any worse....?”Read

Tubby Santa a bad role model

“No, I’m sorry, they may look healthier, but I’d rather have a jolly, fat Santa!”Read

BA strike talks go on

“You do realise that if this strike goes ahead mother won’t be flying in to join us for Christmas and New Year?”Read

Cadbury protest over Kraft takeover

“It’s a new product we’ve urgently launched for the American market...!”Read

Brum to come under Good Food Cities microscope

“What do you mean ‘Can I take July off next year’ . . . ?”Read

Bishops gather for installation of Archbishop

“There’s always one, isn’t there? He must be non-conformist...!”Read

Darling threatens bank bonuses

“There’s nothing in them . . . !”Read

Grenade blows hole in football pitch

“The ref awarded a penalty for pushing him down the hole – trouble is the penalty spot is at the bottom!”Read

Smart meters must be fitted

“These new smart meters are great!”Read

Parcel turns up at Birmingham eye centre 27 years late!

“It says it was posted early for Christmas... in 1982!”Read

Jedward and Freddie Krueger visit Birmingham

No, you can’t go to see Jedward – one nasty fright a week is enough for anyone...!Read

Dispute over NHS hospital ratings

“I was going to bring flowers or chocolates but then I thought ‘No, I’ll take him what he really needs’...!”Read

Rise in metal detector sales

“He’s made a fortune out of the Staffordshire hoard – he sells metal detectors . . . !”Read

Mistletoe's out inspite of swine flu fears

“It’s okay, you’re safe with me, i’ve had the anti-swine flu jab...!”Read

Historic house protected by steel fence

“You know you were saying ‘That should keep out the vandals’ . . . !”Read

Birmingham Central Library demolition

“Do you have any books on ‘Demolition for Beginners’? We’re thinking of applying for the contract...!”Read

Emergency Budget

“We’ve had a good look at the figures... are you absolutely sure you want to win the next general election?”Read

Digbeth could become a permanent events area

“When he’s famous and won the X Factor and played to a 50,000 crowd in Digbeth, we’ll show him the picture and tell him this is where it all began . . . !”Read

New ale launched for the Staffordshire hoard

“I thought they were unusually keen to form an archaeological group to find more Staffordshire Gold – it’s a new beer . . . !”Read

Flight of dreams in search for Santa

“Are you sure we’re flying over Lapland? I can see the Birmingham Wheel . . . !”Read