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Things To Do Before You're 30 (15)

Jun 2 2006 By Graham Young, Birmingham Mail

EVEN the prospect of seeing Dr Who star Billie Piper kissing another woman shouldn't tempt you out to Vue Star City just to see this.

The 101-minute story of an amateur football team's 500th match is so badly written and paced by director Simon Shore that stars like Dougray Scott, Emilia Fox and Jimi Mistry are left floundering.

The characters warm up slightly in the second half, but it's far too late to save a film that has been on the shelf for so long that Spurs' Jermaine Defoe is seen in his old West Ham shirt.

If England play this badly in Germany they'll be on the first plane home.

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